enough is enough

i have had enough of this. enough is enough. i am fed up. fed up…i wish i would say that one more often. let me explain: here i am writing (because i am old school and i think better when i’m writing than when i am typing) in my car on my lunch break. i am writing because i am ticked and want to get something down on paper so i can process it. but as i start, i see out of the corner of my eye that the bottom corner of my spiral is covered up.  completely covered up by my amazingly repulsive, horribly obvious, discouraging, disgusting ….muffin top. that’s right, i said it:

i.have.a.muffin.top.

here i am, about to journal out some deep stuff and i happen to look down and there it is…the muffin top. now i am more ticked than i was before and can’t focus to journal anything because this big ole’ muffin top is staring me down now.

so here we are (me and my muffin top that is) staring at each other – me in disgust and her – yes, let’s refer to “it” as a “her”…fatty patty. yes…let’s! so here we are: me and my look of disgust, and fatty patty in all her glory covering up my blasted spiral…and i want to scream!

i want to scream because…well…..because i used to be a college athlete for pete’s sake. i used to look down and see my belt loops…now those are all squished down..bent in half by the rolling hills of mount fatty patty. i’m disgusted and annoyed and now embarrassed because for some reason i am writing all this down, and i have decided to use it for my first blog post ever. so, someone who happens upon this little blog years from now might not read all the blogs they have missed, but they might read the first one ever, right? face-palm.

but i digress. so, here i am…ticked at the sight of fatty patty and the subsequent disappearance of my belt loops, and yet…..my hand keeps reaching into my purse to grab another blasted andes mint. i mean, they are andes mints for goodness sake – who can resist? wait….i should. i should resist! i’m sitting here (with the corner of my spiral still covered) talking all about little miss fatty patty...i should be able to resist. oh…and there it is. the whole issue: should be able to….but don’t.

i.lack.self-control.

proverbs 25:28 in the message says, “a person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.”

the nlt says he is “like a city with broken down walls.”

the cev says, “losing self-control leaves you as helpless as a city without a wall.”

the point is: without self-control, i have no defense and without a defense, the enemy is able to wander in and out of my windowless, door-less world. oh my. i safeguard myself in so many ways against the evil one, and yet i have no doors and windows. how ridiculous! it’s like pitching water out of a sinking boat without plugging the holes first. i’ll never get rid of all that water until i stop and plug the holes and then start pitching the water out.

if i safeguard my life in other areas and lack self-control…what is the use? he will get in through that big ole’ hole that used to be a closed door!

and my lack of self-control does not end with fatty patty - it floods into every area of my life…and enough is enough.

however, i can’t just stand up and say, “i have had enough of this” and all of a sudden (like mary poppins snapping her fingers while she sings “a spoon-full of sugar” and the room cleans itself) my life is different and i have this incredible measure of self-control! NO. self-control is not the same as will power and it certainly doesn’t come by snapping your fingers and singing a song. in fact, let me say that will power is USELESS. will power it is all about what i can do. self-control is all about what the Holy Spirit can do.

 the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness AND self-control! the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in me when i nail the passions and desires of my sinful nature to His cross and crucify them there. i can’t say all of this past tense (i nailed the passions and desires…and crucified them) because it has to be a daily crucifixion in my life. oh it’s not easy – crucifixions are not pretty – they are bloody and sweaty and full of gore. but, i must do this daily or the Holy Spirit will not have His way in my life, and the enemy will continue to walk through all the holes i’ve created by this terrible lack of self-control.

so what now?

for starters: it’s time i put the andes mints down and begin the laborious work of crucifying my desires on His cross which includes the grand fatty patty.

Lord, help – this is not gonna be easy, but i sure do miss that bottom corner of my spiral…not to mention my belt loops.

let's do this.