called by name

now in hindsight i guess this should’ve been my first blog entry, but really creating this blog was completely a spur of the moment deal. if you read my first one, you saw that it started out almost accidentally. the week before i wrote that first entry, i thought maybe i ought to start writing out some of this craziness that goes on in my head. who knows, maybe someone will benefit. i certainly don’t journal like i used to, so maybe this will be my outlet. the other side of me says, “you are crazy! once you put something out there you can NEVER take it back.” well, so be it. here i am, in print…whether God chooses to use it or not is entirely up to Him. i truly hope it helps, or causes you to laugh, or shake your head, or in my wildest hopes: it makes you dream again. that it makes you think. it makes you want to be closer to Christ than you were yesterday. it begins a healing process. it sheds light on the places you wanted to keep in the dark.  above all: that it will point you to the One who loves you more that you will ever know.

wait! before i begin this journey into the blog world, you have to know something:  i do not capitalize. it all started in junior high. i was introduced to my absolute favorite 80s Christian band (the only one i liked truth be told), whiteheart. all their lyrics in their little cd cover were not capitalized. i loved the idea that “I” shouldn’t be capitalized because He is I AM. so i began to not capitalize anything but God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and such, and it stuck. it is not super spiritual – just a fun reminder that He is I AM and i am not! so anyway, if you are a grammar freak…you will have to forgive this habit. if you want to read this blog that is. at the same time, if you are type A (God love you) and you ever run across a word that is capitalized that is not God or Jesus etc…go easy on me…i am having to manually go in because word automatically capitalizes. but i digress.

okay, so let’s begin this which should’ve been my first blog. it starts with the title of the entire blog:

called by name

But now, o jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
    o israel, the one who formed you says,
“do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
    I have called you by name; you are mine. "

                                                                ~isaiah 43:1 (nlt)

everyone likes to be known. not famously known, but just…known. we live in a world that really is quite friendly at times, or at least we are in the south. for the most part, we seem very welcoming. we ask perfect strangers: “how are you doing?”.  we make an effort (most of the time) to meet new people in hopes of finding a new friend at work or a friendly face at the grocery store. when tragedy strikes (such as a hurricane or whatnot): we care about what happens to people we do not know and will never meet halfway across the country or world for that matter. we do these things in hopes that others will feel welcome and maybe so some of them will return the favor. we want to be known. even the old tv show had it right: “sometimes you wanna go, where everybody knows your name. and they’re always glad you came.” it’s true.

this is all not necessarily to feel important, but maybe it’s more along the lines of wanting to feel… wanted. to feel welcome. to feel known. like if we missed a week of work, that person we make small talk to in the break room would kinda miss us.  again, i don’t believe this is because we want to feel important. we just like being known. not just by perfect strangers either. it goes beyond the acquaintances and we dive even deeper into this in our friendships.  we make up nicknames for each other not because we want to be cute, but because we want to be more intimate. we want to be known. we want to belong.

that’s it: we want to belong.  

we call each other by nickname because really it is a rite of passage in a friendship. you don’t get to call me “jen” unless you really know me. you don’t get to call me “ned” unless you are my counterparts “dusty” or “lucky”. “meddog” is old school but it’s still there at times. sunshine, jennifer kay, sis and the list goes on. and it goes both ways: i definitely have nicknames for those close to me.

why? to be known. to belong. to be close. to say – i know you and we are tight.

it makes us feel all mushy and gushy and warm inside. maybe we don’t really notice these feelings all the time, but they are indeed there.

this verse is like that feeling but multiplied by like a billion.

maybe you are the kind who shies away from everything i just described. maybe you don’t have anyone close enough to call a nickname. maybe you don’t feel like you are known or that you belong or that anyone wants you at all. let me say: false.

that is FALSE.

this verse completely blows that feeling out of the water.

you are known. you do belong. the God of the universe calls you by name. He calls you by the name that is intimate to Him. the name He knew you would have before your parents ever dreamed up the name and started stitching it on little pillows and blankets!

He knows you….the real you. you don’t have to hide behind the crazy, useless masks around Him. He knows your every thought, your every move before you even make it. you are known by the King. and not just known: He calls you.  He summons you by that name and when you go to Him, He reminds you that you are His. the fatherless have a Dad. the friendless have the perfect friend who will never use you, abuse you, forget you, leave you out, not have time for you. He summons you and whispers – You are Mine.

“do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
    I have called you by name; you are mine."

He has paid the price (ransom). not so one day we can die and be with Him. He calls us now and says you are Mine. sit there for just a second and think about the bigness of God….and now go read that verse again.

if that doesn’t make you feel all mushy, gushy and warm inside AMAZING, friend i don’t know what will.

 

enough is enough

i have had enough of this. enough is enough. i am fed up. fed up…i wish i would say that one more often. let me explain: here i am writing (because i am old school and i think better when i’m writing than when i am typing) in my car on my lunch break. i am writing because i am ticked and want to get something down on paper so i can process it. but as i start, i see out of the corner of my eye that the bottom corner of my spiral is covered up.  completely covered up by my amazingly repulsive, horribly obvious, discouraging, disgusting ….muffin top. that’s right, i said it:

i.have.a.muffin.top.

here i am, about to journal out some deep stuff and i happen to look down and there it is…the muffin top. now i am more ticked than i was before and can’t focus to journal anything because this big ole’ muffin top is staring me down now.

so here we are (me and my muffin top that is) staring at each other – me in disgust and her – yes, let’s refer to “it” as a “her”…fatty patty. yes…let’s! so here we are: me and my look of disgust, and fatty patty in all her glory covering up my blasted spiral…and i want to scream!

i want to scream because…well…..because i used to be a college athlete for pete’s sake. i used to look down and see my belt loops…now those are all squished down..bent in half by the rolling hills of mount fatty patty. i’m disgusted and annoyed and now embarrassed because for some reason i am writing all this down, and i have decided to use it for my first blog post ever. so, someone who happens upon this little blog years from now might not read all the blogs they have missed, but they might read the first one ever, right? face-palm.

but i digress. so, here i am…ticked at the sight of fatty patty and the subsequent disappearance of my belt loops, and yet…..my hand keeps reaching into my purse to grab another blasted andes mint. i mean, they are andes mints for goodness sake – who can resist? wait….i should. i should resist! i’m sitting here (with the corner of my spiral still covered) talking all about little miss fatty patty...i should be able to resist. oh…and there it is. the whole issue: should be able to….but don’t.

i.lack.self-control.

proverbs 25:28 in the message says, “a person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.”

the nlt says he is “like a city with broken down walls.”

the cev says, “losing self-control leaves you as helpless as a city without a wall.”

the point is: without self-control, i have no defense and without a defense, the enemy is able to wander in and out of my windowless, door-less world. oh my. i safeguard myself in so many ways against the evil one, and yet i have no doors and windows. how ridiculous! it’s like pitching water out of a sinking boat without plugging the holes first. i’ll never get rid of all that water until i stop and plug the holes and then start pitching the water out.

if i safeguard my life in other areas and lack self-control…what is the use? he will get in through that big ole’ hole that used to be a closed door!

and my lack of self-control does not end with fatty patty - it floods into every area of my life…and enough is enough.

however, i can’t just stand up and say, “i have had enough of this” and all of a sudden (like mary poppins snapping her fingers while she sings “a spoon-full of sugar” and the room cleans itself) my life is different and i have this incredible measure of self-control! NO. self-control is not the same as will power and it certainly doesn’t come by snapping your fingers and singing a song. in fact, let me say that will power is USELESS. will power it is all about what i can do. self-control is all about what the Holy Spirit can do.

 the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness AND self-control! the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in me when i nail the passions and desires of my sinful nature to His cross and crucify them there. i can’t say all of this past tense (i nailed the passions and desires…and crucified them) because it has to be a daily crucifixion in my life. oh it’s not easy – crucifixions are not pretty – they are bloody and sweaty and full of gore. but, i must do this daily or the Holy Spirit will not have His way in my life, and the enemy will continue to walk through all the holes i’ve created by this terrible lack of self-control.

so what now?

for starters: it’s time i put the andes mints down and begin the laborious work of crucifying my desires on His cross which includes the grand fatty patty.

Lord, help – this is not gonna be easy, but i sure do miss that bottom corner of my spiral…not to mention my belt loops.

let's do this.